Part two: Struggle between job and dreams!!
I hope you read the first part. So, coming back to the point, the reason of failure is not that I was lazy, or I didn’t work hard. I did! But the direction and way of doing it were wrong!! Confidence is needed, but I was over confident!
After the exam, I started working at Templatic as Technical Support Executive. I already completed a month there when I received the result. It made me upset. I was feeling like broken and lost. I didn’t realize that time what I had lost. A chance.. an opportunity.. I continued working there, but somewhere in mind, I was always thinking about those dreams!
Those thoughts were always running back in my mind. I was always thinking about that dream college of mine, IIT Bombay. I was doing well at work, but a part of me was restless all time. I was lost somewhere in the middle! Hence, in July end I gathered all the courage and decided to leave my job. One of my close friends, who was working with me in the same company advised me not to do this. But when I decide something, I just never listen to anyone! So apparently he was forced to support me. I remember he said, not to waste a single minute and prepare well for the entrance test.
My sir, (Mr. Bhavesh Radadiya) who has always been like a friend, supported my decision. He wanted me to continue my role there, but he encouraged me to move and grow in life! I still remember, I was given a Blue diary as a farewell gift. It was first formal farewell of someone in Templatic. We had a small goodbye meeting, and I parted ways!! Then again the preparation time started!!
अब इतना काम किया है, तो ब्रेक तो लेना बनता है!! ( Translation: Now that the work is done, then it is must take a break! ) The master plan was ready which included a week of break. I had complete six months in hand. Everything was planned so perfectly that if anyone follows it, will surely get into any IIT.
Those days, I used to stay alone at home all day. As my parents are working and my brother was studying in Ahmedabad that time. Initially, I liked studies as I was all excited. But then slowly-slowly the interest in studies was getting lost. And I was falling into depression. I don’t know from where I got that fear of being alone, fear of losing my dear ones. I just couldn’t sleep entire nights. I just didn’t know what to do. I was just unable to focus!
One day, two days became months and suddenly the exam day arrived!! I wasted whole SIX months! OMG! But this time, there was a difference. A little, though!! This time, I knew I wouldn’t pass the test!!! After finishing the exam, I started looking for a job.
I didn’t know the correct way of searching a job (and believe me, I still don’t know it yet 😉 ). I used to call to the companies to ask whether they have any opening. Calls and interviews and I were collecting rejections from everywhere. And that was making me more and more negative. And the cherry on top was, I again failed in the entrance test!
Now, that was terrific. I started feeling like a failure. I couldn’t clear the test, and I wasn’t able to get a single job. I used to cry as hell! One fine day, my sir (boss from the previous company) called me. He was all excited to know the results. I told him, and he instantly offered me a job, but this time, with the role I always wanted to work as – “Software Developer” without taking any interview! The joining was from the next day itself.
I was all excited to give my old friends a shocking surprise. I started a new journey as a developer. I got an opportunity to learn many things as I was new to WordPress development. I worked there for another eight months and again left!! For the same reason of course! I was advised not to repeat same mistakes, but I don’t know I just wanted to do M.Tech.
That time, I used to think that people who do masters get jobs with exciting packages. I too wanted to earn a handsome amount, so I continued the stubbornness. And as always, my parents stood by me, without asking any question or without doubting my abilities.
I chose to study and prepare for the test but this time, I had lost all the interest in studies. I remember, I used to spend all day browsing the articles of motivation. I was doing good day by day, though slowly! But then, one bad day, I met with a major accident. It was the first day of “Navratri” – A festival of worship the Goddess Durga. A festival of dance celebrated in Gujarat where people perform Garba (a form of dance originated in Gujarat). It is celebrated differently in different regions of India. In West Bengal, they celebrate it as “Durga Pooja”.
I recovered after a month but I was all lost once again!! I tried and tried but I FAILED the THIRD time!! 😦